I guess there are worse curses

[kz_blogorambling]

A month ago as I was passing a little boutique hotel downtown, I noticed one of the porters crouched down applying some variety of solvent and then carefully scraping up a spot of gum from the sidewalk. I looked around and realized that the pavement in front of the place was a gum-free oasis.

Ever since then, I can't stop noticing gum on sidewalks. It's everywhere! Not the fresh kind that gets on your shoe, but the old stuff; dark blobs that have absorbed all manner of dirt and have melded with the concrete. They're like a plague, and I can't make myself quit noticing them. I'm about two tics away from having to count them as I walk.

I have these little fantasies about removing gum on the sidewalks I care about downtown. Possibly in a superhero costume, but at 3 am so no one sees me. Because, you know, even without the superhero costume, it's a weird thing to do if it isn't your own sidewalk.

Comments

[scout1222.livejournal.com]

Plus, superhero costumes involve lycra. It's best to keep the audience to a minimum.

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

You ain't kidding

[delphica.livejournal.com]

Do you have any Underarmour? It's like long underwear, and it's Lycra and thin. Also kind of shiny. It's great to wear under jeans if you are going to be outside in the winter. At the risk of giving Kim a heart attack, sometimes I wear mine around the house just by themselves, like leggings and I call them my Superhero Pants.

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

I wear cuddleduds under my pants in the winter, and they are shiny... but probably not shiny enough for superhero purposes.

I'm pretty sure Kim long, long ago learned to steel herself against fashion shock before reading anything in my journal.

[blanx73.livejournal.com]

We all fear the wrath of Solvent Woman, and her sidekick, Squeegee-boy.

in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

The stuff was probably compressed freon or similar -- freezes and embrittles the gum so it comes up easily.

Y'know, just in case you go ahead with the whole secret identity thing.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

You're my go-to guy for things chemical and carpeting.

I believe the can read something like "GUM OFF" so they market something for this precise purpose.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[delphica.livejournal.com]

Did he have a scraper-like tool? Our guys have a tool that goes with the spray. I want one.

well, now that the pedant switch is thrown anyway

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Probably just a little putty scraper, cost you a buck or two at the local Mr Fixit.

Re: well, now that the pedant switch is thrown anyway

[delphica.livejournal.com]

The kind I see the guys on the subway platforms with (sorry for the grammar) has a long handle, so that you can stay standing up, and a little attached bin on the back to catch the gum. So sort of like a pooper scooper, only for gum.

Re: well, now that the pedant switch is thrown anyway

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Well, sure, maybe in the BIG CITY...

Re: well, now that the pedant switch is thrown anyway

[delphica.livejournal.com]

You realize there are eight million pieces of gum in the naked city. We're not fooling around.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

Yes, I would get a cheap paint scraper, but then make a little lanyard for it by which to hang it up. In NYU colors of course.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[delphica.livejournal.com]

Organizing and color-coding the lanyards -- clearly the most key element of any superhero-type plan. You know I'm serious.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[beagledave.livejournal.com]

I found the bread bags you asked about

Item #4630

http://shop.bakerscatalogue.com/items/index.html

I'm not sure that they keep bread (at least bread with no fat, like sourdough) fresh for very long...but give it a shor.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Thanks for that!

I had the impression they were more high tech than that somehow. Bad recollection I guess. Something to consider, anyway.

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

Trust an engineer guy to come in with an explanation. :D

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[jarbabyj.livejournal.com]

Seriously. We're all talking about superhero lycra suits and here comes Mr. Wizard with HOW ACTUALLY TO DO IT.

NERD!

My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Oh, I also know how to make Lycra (including the secret parts). No foolin'.

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[scout1222.livejournal.com]

You know how to make lycra?!? Jesus, you need to start a newsletter because I wish to subscribe.

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

The Haardvark Fan Club newsletter comes out biweekly--did you want to be on that mailing list, too?

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[scout1222.livejournal.com]

Clearly.

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm gonna blush...

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Ah, see, but I can't tell you. Secret. I signed papers and everything.

Besides, it's not like I know the shape of every molecule but I know the basic ingredients and structure, and the overall functionality of the spinning machine. (As distinct from nylon spinning machines, which are a lot different...)

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[gundy.livejournal.com]

Oh. I thought it was just, like, a recipe on an index card. You know, with Lycra stains on it and stuff.

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, except for "index card" read "finicky 70's vintage computer with no spare parts which makes random parameter changes if there's an electrical storm within an hour radius"

And lycra stains are easy cos you just peel them off the floor like little stretchy pancakes.

In other news

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

I just bought the foot thing and I suspect i will NOT BE ABLE TO STOP USING IT. Oh how addictive. In a gross way.

It's scary to shave dry because skin flakes go EVERYWHERE.

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[troubleagain.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, Mr. I-used-to-work-for-a-company-that-rhymes-with-bouffant!

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

I still prefer Poo Font, but with therapy I'm getting better.

_{hey cranky, sorry for cluttering up your LJ with nonsense}

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[jessicala.livejournal.com]

Cool! Do you make it for the kids on a rainy day when they're bored?
"Gather 'round the kitchen everyone! Daddy's going to make you a new pair of leggings!"

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Ah, we appear to be interpreting the word "make" differently. In this case, "make" = "I understand the chemistry and the essential shape and function of the production equipment."

Now, Nylon-6, on the other hand, I could make in a drinking glass at room temp if I had the right ingredients...

Re: My nerdiness is multifaceted.

[(Anonymous)]

Oooh, Nylon-6? Is that kind of like ice-9?

Re: in the absence of phil nye the science guy

[haardvark.livejournal.com]

Worse yet, an engineer guy who's worked with (i) plastics and (ii) refrigerants!

[missfran.livejournal.com]

Locally, our council has tried to tackle the gum-on-pavement issue by putting up little posters that say things like "Feed me gum!" and "Stick you gum here!" and it works. Now, instead of gum amalgamating into the pavement, it's right there, stuck onto a poster at eye level, waiting to be taken away.

Eye level. Used gum. Bit of a Phyrric victory.

[anahitaa.livejournal.com]

There is actually a facility whereby one can include a sealant on paving slabs and bricks to stop gum from adhering to the surface. It can just be picked off. Other councils use a freezer type chemical; the effect is the same, minus the need for the chemicals.

The cost of production of these enhanced slabs and bricks is probably prohibitive for most councils, but it makes tons of sense.

I laugh that I know so much about bricks!! :)

[jarbabyj.livejournal.com]

DOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER ICON.

Way to go BRA

[anahitaa.livejournal.com]

Dog is a bit grotesque, but his son Leland? Yum!

[jdoh.livejournal.com]

We have a lobby attendant who cleans gum off our pavers once a week. It is a nasty job and I don't envy him.

He was out sick for a few weeks and it was gross walking in past these black blobs of nastiness. Once more reason that I hate gum.

[jarbabyj.livejournal.com]

If you don't mind me saying, I mentioned my own personal curse a few weeks ago that I think may make you love your gum curse.

and that is the curse of choosing the public bathroom stall (or being forced into by virtue of a long line) that someone just shat their head off in and didn't flush and then flung a tampon around like a lasso

[crankyasanoldma.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Yeah, I don't think I need to do a poll on that one. Your curse is the more dreadful.

[mrblue92.livejournal.com]

If only there were trees to stick it on instead...

[democritus.livejournal.com]

Oh man, this reminds me of a Tom Green episode where he dressed up as a fairy inside a huge clear trash bag and went around the city crying, "I'm cleaning up the city!" whilst picking up trash and putting it in the trash bag(with himself). By the end of his trip he had the bag about half full and he was puking because it was so gross. Oh man, I love Tom Green.